Fuck me: we have got some FREAKS working at our agency.
I was reminded of this when having dinner with Women Employed to Work in London But Moved To Singapore By Travesty Of All Things Gay. She reminded me of the day that we held an Asia-specific workshop with attendees from all our agencies in the region – and it was like the circus was in town, complete with World’s Least Convincing Transvestite (hands like a goalkeeper, voice like Barry White) and a pair of matching midgets, both of whom truly are shorter when they are standing up than when they are sitting down – not to mention the shrieking, highlighted, belt buckle the size of a Rugby ball, tightly costumed horror that is Travesty of All Things Gay.
But it appears that we also have more than enough freaks to go round: because the Sentosa workshop introduced me to a whole new bunch of Godawfuls that I had never clapped eyes on before. These included (but were not limited to) Female Creative Director with Henry V’s Haircut, Indian Planner with Lazy Eye, Indian Account Guy with Comic Book T-Shirts, Indian Planner with Nylon Trousers and Pubey Moustache, and Chinese Lesbian Elvis Planner. What a bunch.
We were there to talk about ways of representing horror and tragedy, but as I looked around the room, I realised that, actually, all I needed to do was say: “Look in a fucking mirror, and we can all go home early”. As it happens, we stuck it out – and to very good effect: Woody Allen in Robert de Niro’s Body Creative Director did us all proud, and we came out of it with some really interesting twists on the current idea. I could have done without the shimmering intellect of Australian Account Woman with Dense Apricot Hair on Forearms, but otherwise, for all their retina-scorching hideousness, they turned out to be a sweet, and talented bunch.
