So: after almost twenty months, more Estate Agents than I ever hope to encounter again in the rest of my life, an architect, a team of builders and a deep immersion in the auction houses of London, I am moving into my new house this weekend. The children have already seen it and given it [...]
Posts Tagged ‘Bamboo’
Moving
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Bamboo, Best Friend, Family, Garden Joy, Garden Rage, House, Moving, Old Friend at Work, Parents, Sister on January 25, 2012 | Leave a Comment »
I Make Peace With The Bamboo
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Bamboo, Garden Joy, Garden Rage on July 22, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
You wouldn’t fucking BELIEVE it, would you? After the lengths that I went to to cleanse our garden of the horrors of Bamboo (including digging a trench so deep and wide that Wife actually accused me of having joined a Somme re-enactment society), the shitting stuff has returned! Much like that other plant that we seem [...]
The Garden
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Bamboo, Garden, Garden Joy, Wife on April 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
I have, according to Wife, many virtues: but it seems that planting is not one of them. I had decided that I had re-created the great Gertrude Jekyll’s principle of planting huge drifts of plants all in the same colour, great beds filled with tulips, others over-flowing with hellebores, others with lavendar and rosemary. It [...]
It’s Back
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Bamboo on May 11, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
That shitting, benighted, underhand and unethical Bamboo is BACK. At the moment, it is just a few thick stalks: horticultural erections straining through the earth – but we all know what the bamboo’s game plan is, don’t we? WORLD DOMINATION. Not content with having sucked all the nutrients out of the soil, rendering it about [...]
Bamboo Can FUCK OFF
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Bamboo, Garden, Murder on May 5, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Saturday, 26th May 2007 Back from New York, blah blah blah – let’s get down to the real story: people who plant bamboo in gardens should be killed. It says something that three weeks after the event, and after a wonderful week in New York, the thing that I most need to blog about is [...]
An Oath Before God and Blog
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Bamboo, Garden Rage on May 5, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Sunday, 27th May 2007 On the plus side, there is a retail experience involved. Not that we have been short on those recently – I half expect to see my bankcard cowering in my wallet like someone out of an NSPCC ad. On the minus side, that retail experience shall take place in a B&Q, [...]
Ha
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Bamboo, Garden Joy, Garden Rage on May 5, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Sunday, 27th May 2007 The bamboo is no more. It has been taken to the communal tip, where it can spread its misery before being incinerated and turned into compost (which is apparently what they do: which is pleasingly green). My WWII trench remains, however. I couldn’t be arsed to go to that haven of [...]
The Bamboo Returns
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Bamboo, Garden Rage, Swearing, Wife on May 5, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Tuesday, 29th May 2007 So, Wife went to our local garden centre this morning (three overweight lesbians, all in Lincoln Green polo-shirts, all treating their customers as if they were something of an impediment to actually getting the work done), to enquire about how to kill the bamboo root. You can’t. Essentially, Sneery 1 told [...]
Bamboo – Fatal Attraction
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged "Fatal Attraction", Bamboo, Garden Joy on May 5, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Sunday, 3rd June 2007 Just before the end of “Fatal Attraction”, poodle-haired mirror-frightener, Glenn Close (whom we have believed dead), shrieks out of the tepid bathwater to launch another assault on Michael Douglas and credible acting. Playing on the belief that something evil (Close – and, I suppose, her character, Alex) is dead, the horror [...]
